OFFICIAL CALL FOR ENTIRES : INFINITE BUTTHOLES
Here Ye, Hear Ye! Brace yourselves, for I am about to impart to you the most mind-bogglingly glorious news. I know, I know, I can barely contain myself either, but before we allow ourselves to revel in the unbridled joy of the present, let us backtrack for a moment and remember the triumphs of our past:
Long ago, my colleagues and I published a volume of monumental importance, which I'm sure you are aware was the now-legendary Butthole Magazine:
A breathtakingly sophisticated collection of drawings of buttholes which to this day remains unrivaled in terms of both sheer beauty and scientific accuracy. The crowning achievement of all of our lifetimes, Butthole Magazine was the result of decades of hard work and meticulous research. We plumbed the depths of our own psyches and travelled to every distant corner of the known world, leaving no stone unturned, no orifice unconsidered. We were able to unearth exotic buttholes the likes of which had never been seen before.
But as magnificent as the original manifestation of Butthole Magazine was, it wasn't enough. I hear it from friends, acquaintances and strangers every day, I feel it all the time, I can scarcely walk down the street without being overcome by the waves of passion emanating from nearly every sentient being, everywhere, in all directions, a desperate, all encompassing desire. Not only are the souls of the people crying out for more buttholes, there is also a deep seeded longing in every man, woman and child to create butthole drawings of their own, and thereby participate in this important diolouge.
The people want more buttholes, and by the grace of God, They shall have them!
This September, there is going to be an art exhibition of buttholes at the prestigious Magic Pictures Gallery in the honorable city of Philadelphia, and in conjunction with this noble institution we are proud to announce an open call for drawings of buttholes! We seek to collect every elligible butthole in the land, all buttholes great and small, buttholes as far as the eye can see! Our goal, faithful readers, is nothing short of the largest collection of drawings of buttholes in the world. We need buttholes, we need buttholes galore, and we can't do it without you.
Let the wild rumpus begin!
Baby Aminah Butthole
Dean of the Department for Advanced Butthole Studies at Oxford University
SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:
1. As all inclusive as we would like this collection to be, we simply can't accept just any old butthole. We would like to see at least one adjective per butthole (ie meaningful butthole, sharp butthole, backwards butthole, the other side of Mount Rushmore butthole, etc.). Please title your butthole in accordance with this time-honored formula that was established in the first edition of Butthole Magazine, and include the title somewhere in the drawing. EXAMPLES
2. Sign your drawing, on the front of the page so we can see it, or on the back.
3. No drawing in any two dimensional media will be turned away, but if future publication of your butthole is important to you, please keep in mind that black and white will reproduce better than color.
4. Drop off your buttholes in person or mail them toMagic Pictures,
618 Hoffman St,
Philadelphia PA, 191485. if you would like to have your buttholes returned to you again include a self addressed, stamped envelope. Otherwise, your buttonhole will become part of the permanent collection.
6. Please, please, please, send us as many buttholes as you possibly can and encourage everyone you know to do the same.
7. The deadline for submitting buttholes is SEPTEMBER 1 2012